Do My Actions Agree with My Words?

The Courage to Be Honest with Ourselves

By Rev. Dr. Natasha R. Francis-Campbell (Auntie Nats)

Can you honestly say that your actions agree with your words?

It sounds like a simple question, doesn’t it? One that should require very little thought before answering. After all, who knows us better than we know ourselves?

Well, perhaps the answer is not as straightforward as we would like to believe.

Recently, at Jabneh Christian Academy, our icons, staff and I examined this very question during our devotion: “Do My Actions Agree with My Words?”

What unfolded was both revealing and thought-provoking.

As we explored the question, we discovered something that deserves far more attention than we sometimes give it. Being honest with ourselves can be surprisingly difficult, even for children.

Some found it challenging to answer. Others appeared to wrestle with what an honest response would reveal. The question required more than remembering what they had said. It required them to examine what they had actually done.

And therein lies the challenge.

We Are Often More Comfortable with Our Intentions Than Our Actions

Most of us would like to believe that we are honest, kind, respectful, responsible and dependable.

We say that we value truth, but do we always tell it?

We say that we respect others, but what happens when someone disagrees with us?

We tell our children that kindness matters, but how do we speak to them when we are frustrated?

We encourage our children to apologise, but how readily do we acknowledge our own mistakes?

We tell others that we can be trusted, but do we consistently honour our commitments?

These are not questions intended to condemn us. They are invitations to examine ourselves.

There is often a gap between who we believe we are, who we aspire to become and what our actions actually demonstrate.

The difficulty is not always that we do not know what is right. Sometimes, the difficulty is admitting that we have not done what we know is right.

Self-Honesty Is a Skill We Must Teach Our Children

One of the most significant discoveries from our discussion was that children, too, can struggle with self-honesty.

We often assume that because children are young, they are naturally open about their behaviour. Yet children, like adults, can find it uncomfortable to acknowledge a contradiction between their words and actions.

A child may insist, “I am kind,” while struggling to acknowledge having spoken unkindly to a friend.

Another may say, “I always listen,” even though following instructions remains a challenge.

A child may sincerely believe, “I am responsible,” while regularly neglecting assigned responsibilities.

Sometimes, children answer according to what they wish were true rather than what is consistently demonstrated.

This does not necessarily mean they are deliberately dishonest. Some may lack the maturity to evaluate their own behaviour accurately. Others may fear disappointing an adult, losing approval or facing consequences.

That is why teaching self-honesty requires more than telling children to speak the truth.

We must create environments in which children feel safe enough to recognise the truth about themselves.

If every admission of wrongdoing is met with humiliation, excessive anger or harsh criticism, we should not be surprised when children become skilled at defending themselves rather than examining themselves.

A child who says, “I was wrong,” has taken an important step towards growth.

Our response can either encourage that honesty or make the child reluctant to practise it again.

As educators and parents, we must help children understand that acknowledging a mistake does not make them bad people. It provides an opportunity to make a better choice.

But What About the Adults?

Here is where our discussion becomes particularly uncomfortable.

We cannot expect children to practise a level of self-honesty that we are unwilling to demonstrate.

What happens when a parent demands respect but regularly speaks disrespectfully?

What happens when a teacher insists on punctuality but consistently arrives late?

What happens when a Christian speaks passionately about love but treats others with contempt?

What happens when a leader promotes accountability but refuses correction?

Children observe these contradictions.

They may not always have the vocabulary to explain what they notice, but they are learning.

Our actions can reinforce our words, or they can undermine them.

Perhaps one of the most powerful lessons we can teach a child is to say:

“I said one thing, but I did something different. I recognise that, and I need to do better.”

Imagine the impact of a parent, teacher or leader demonstrating that kind of humility.

We would be teaching children that honesty is not merely something we demand of others. It is a discipline we practise ourselves.

The Biblical Call to Examine Ourselves

As a Christian educator, I cannot separate this discussion from the Word of God.

James 1:22 reminds us:

“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” (KJV)

What a powerful warning!

Notice that the Scripture does not speak only about deceiving other people. It identifies the possibility of deceiving ourselves.

We can become so comfortable hearing, discussing and even teaching what is right that we fail to recognise when our own conduct contradicts it.

We may know the Scriptures, quote them confidently and encourage others to obey them, yet neglect to examine whether we are living according to those same truths.

David’s prayer in Psalm 139:23–24 offers another important perspective:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (KJV)

This is a prayer of someone willing to be examined.

Not simply by others, but by God.

Self-honesty, from a Christian perspective, requires humility. It means being willing to acknowledge what God reveals about our character, motives and behaviour.

It is not enough to say that we love truth. We must be willing to confront the truth, even when it exposes something within us that needs to change.

Self-Honesty Is Not Self-Condemnation

I believe we must make this distinction, especially when working with children.

Being honest about our shortcomings does not mean defining ourselves by them.

A child who admits to being unkind is not declaring, “I am an unkind person.”

A parent who acknowledges impatience is not declaring, “I am a terrible parent.”

A teacher who recognises an area of weakness is not admitting to being an ineffective educator.

We are acknowledging behaviours that need attention.

There is a significant difference between saying, “I made a poor choice,” and believing, “I am incapable of making good choices.”

Self-honesty should lead us towards responsibility, correction and growth, not shame and hopelessness.

This is why the way we facilitate reflection matters.

Instead of merely asking a child, “Were you kind today?” we might ask, “Can you tell me about a time today when you showed kindness? Was there a time when you could have responded differently?”

Instead of demanding, “Do you always tell the truth?” we might ask, “Have you ever found it difficult to tell the truth? What made it difficult?”

These conversations encourage children to reflect on actual experiences rather than simply provide the answers they believe adults want to hear.

And we must be willing to ask ourselves equally searching questions.

The Courage to Answer Honestly

Our discussion at Jabneh reminded me that self-honesty is not necessarily automatic. It requires intentional development.

We must learn to examine ourselves without immediately making excuses, blaming others or defending our intentions.

We must learn to recognise the difference between what we profess and what we practise.

We must be willing to say, “I need to change.”

This kind of honesty takes courage.

It requires us to move beyond appearances and acknowledge what is actually happening in our lives.

And perhaps that is why the question proved difficult for so many of us to explore.

It demanded more than a correct answer.

It demanded personal examination.

My Challenge to You

Today, I invite you to revisit the question that challenged our icons and staff:

Do my actions agree with my words?

Think about your relationships, your parenting, your marriage, your work, your ministry and your daily interactions.

Consider the promises you make, the values you promote and the example you set.

Are there areas in which your conduct consistently reinforces what you profess?

Are there areas in which your behaviour tells a different story?

And perhaps most importantly, when you recognise a contradiction, are you willing to acknowledge it and do something about it?

I am not asking whether you are perfect. None of us is.

I am asking whether you are willing to be truthful with yourself.

Our children need adults who demonstrate integrity, not merely adults who talk about it. They need to see that admitting mistakes, accepting correction and making changes are essential parts of becoming responsible individuals.

At Jabneh Christian Academy, we are committed to nurturing more than academic competence. We want our icons to develop the character, courage and discipline necessary to live responsibly and truthfully.

And that development must begin with us.

Here is my thought for you to carry away:

“The courage to tell the truth about ourselves is often the first step towards becoming the people we say we want to be.”

Can you answer the question honestly?

And if your answer is no, are you courageous enough to begin making your actions agree with your words?

With Auntie Nats

A reflection on parenting, education, Christian character and intentional personal growth.